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I do feel like I am living a lie and the general population is ignorant about pedophilia. They think they know me better than I know myself but they do not. They want to believe and feel what makes them feel safe and good. For example, I know this one guy who is very friendly to mothers with young girls. The mothers adore him and would never think he was a pedophile.
It takes one to know one and there are many of us out there. I think some are more disciplined than others. Really what I wanted to say is that even though I am attracted to boys, I have my boundaries. I will not rape a kid but I will not turn a boy away if he wants to cuddle with me either. For me, leaving behind memories of affection is the most important thing. When my boys become college-aged, I want them to remember back at the times when they were 7-12 and we cuddled together and how good it felt and how fun it was. I wish I could 'fix' myself or could do more to change my situation but I can't.
I refuse to live my life as a hermit because I was born this way. I even sought out help from psychologists and they declined to treat me (later found out they don't accept pedophile patients unless they are sex offenders). They can't even tell me why I am the way that I am.
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